Listen ladies, divorced is complicated and becoming a single mom is overwhelming. There will be times when you will feel like you are at the end of your rope and there will be times when you will feel excited and looking forward to a bight future. Just remember your feelings are temporary. Navigating single parenthood has been a wild ride for me. I have come out far from unscathed, but I have learned a lot along the way. While I still have much to learn, I want to share some of lessons I learned so far.
1. Sometimes you will feel lonely and that is okay
Being a single mom is hard, for the first few years of your divorce or separation, you will feeling depressed is part of the healing process. Trust me darling, no one is strong all of the time. Don’t force yourself to put on a brave face and have everyone else into thinking you are fine. You are going to have days when you will feel a pain so deep you can’t imagine ever moving on with your life. But you can and you will, so let yourself feel it. If you aren’t already in therapy , seek the help of a licensed mental health specialist. Don’t underestimate the importance of your mental health. Therapy does wonders for the soul.
2. Embrace New Friendships And Nurture Old Ones.
Ladies, the quality of life you get to live lies heavenly on the quality of relationship you have. You do need a small circle of trustworthy friends who truly support you and care about your well-being. So reach out to the close friends you have not spoken to in a while. I would also advise you to get out of your comfort zone and make some new mommy friends. You will feel alone a lot, but good friends will help remind you that you aren’t as alone as you think. I have always made it my priority to nurture my friendships and I have also the pleasure to build some new relationships. These women have been my anchor more times than I can count, they matter greatly to me.
3.You Don’t Owe Anyone An Explanation
I had plenty of those nosey Nancys asking me personal questions. When those friends who learned you were getting divorced and were all OMG you didn’t even tell me you and your ex were having problems. Why did you guys choose divorce? Why didn’t you come call me and talk to me! Did you try everything before filing for divorce? blah blah blah! these so called friends are not really that concern, they are just being nosey or they are trying to get gossip to feel better about themselves, don't let these people make you feel bad about your decisions.
4. As a divorce mom, you will never feel you're doing enough.
Listen, things will be hard as divorce mom and you will feel guilty often. Your time with your kids is limited now, and there’s all the pressure in the world to make the most of every moment. I have my kids all 90 percent of the time, I have to be Both the discipline and the nurturing parent. Sometimes I do feel guilty for having to be that. And I even feel guilty for not being present for them as much I would like. But it is out of my hand and I know I am doing the best I can, just like you. It is exhausting sometimes and you will wonder if you should have "stuck it out for the kids." The truth is, you probably couldn’t nor should you have. But that won’t stop you from torturing yourself about it every time your kids are upset. My advice is simply let it go. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Stay focus on taking care of your mental and physical health so, you can be as effective as you can be.
5. Focus on your spirituality
Ladies, I am not here to impose my beliefs on you. However, as a christian, my faith has helped me to overcome the many obstacles in my life. And I am very proud to admit it. If it was for my faith I don't know where would I be. If you are not a christian, I would still advise you to focus on your having a spiritual life. Because having a relationship with a deity higher then yourself will help you to navigate the many struggles in your life. It also help to keep you focus on what matter most and understand that you can not control everything in this life. And It helps promote close family and friendship bonds. It really is a win win situation.